Saturday, May 8, 2010

So one of my beloved friends has brought to my attention the fact that my daily positive moments don't seem too positive. After I personally did a quick re-read to assess the situation I would have to agree. Frankly, some of them are down right depressing. But I feel like I need to do some serious damage control because this couldn't be farther from the truth. In an attempt to be clever, I ended up concerning those who care about me, no need to worry, these futile efforts at sarcasm and wit will come to an end this instant.

In all honesty I've never been happier. I wake up every day knowing this is exactly where I should be. Knowing that my supervisor named me Lindelwa translated as 'the one we've been waiting for' is ironic because this is what I've been waiting for as well. I feel like happiness is seeping out of my bones but I think that doesn't always show in my positive moments because 1: somebody who's constantly in a state of pure joy can get a little annoying and the posts would get redundant 2: as stated earlier, my painfully weak attempt at humor would sometimes force me to choose an anecdote that maybe was a little less than sunshine and rainbows.

Also, because of my unreliable Internet I will most likely have to post at least a few days at a time. Consider yourselves warned.

5/2: I had a wonderful conversation with my mom today. I felt like she was in the room with me and it just filled my cup up to hear her voice.

5/3: I popped popcorn and threw some Crystal Light packets together for a fun snack for my go go and Zindle and they absolutely adored it. We talked all afternoon then my go go fed me their dinner of potatoes and bread. Meaning of course that both of them ate less so I could have some. I respect and am humbled by the Zulu's culture of 'if you have enough food for one you have enough for two' but I couldn't help but feel a little guilty.

5/4: I didn't have a journal entry for today and nothing sticks out to me, sorry.

5/5: So I had a long night last night with my fever waxing and waning and me never quite being able to get warm or cold enough, always in this temperature pergatory of misery. I literally had dreams of water I was so dehydrated. I had none so I grudgingly carried a bucket of water on my already pounding head at dawn after I shamelessly asked my go go if I could borrow some (she didn't have any either). My positive moment is the joy of ibprofen and how much better I feel now, not 100% but a million times better than before.

5/6: I was walking out of my gate and I see Zindle, the four year old I live with, running towards me. I asked her if she wanted to get water with me and she was jumping up and down. We laughed the whole way there. She then proceeded to read the same Economist as she does every other day with the aid of a flashlight of course.

5/7: Today I went on home visits with one of our home based carers. Even though I am surrounded by poverty and I see orphans in tattered clothes come to the organization every day for food, I feel like today is the first day I've seen true suffering. We went to house after house caring for people whose bodies are wasted from AIDS or coughing up blood with TB. People whose kids are watching them die and who have no food to eat. Every day I wake up motivated for change but today I realize the weight of their expectations. My positive moment is that I'm more than up for the challenge.

5/8: I feel fortunate enough to say I have several circles of friends here and the most loyal group be far would be about half a dozen 7-9 year olds who I could very easily call my shadows. Well I just might, so me and my six shadows played cards and looked at Elle magazine for several hours this afternoon and it was incredibly relaxing.

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